Wednesday, wow.

First blog.

Shocking.

The reason I tend to write blogs, such as the ones you see on my myspace (i would leave my myspace url if it weren't so embarrassing) is because I use them as a sort of therapy, whenever I am irritated or pissed off or really really happy I tend to let everyone/anyone know about it.

So here goes.

It is wednesday, I am supposed to be doing chemistry research but I really cannae be bothered, my hair is stupidly messy and I have no makeup/bra on.
Fantastic.

I'm dreading when Phil get's home, I don't know why but I always do.
Seeing as i'm not too good at informing everyone of who I am, yet I am far from a "mystery woman" i'll cheat and put something I have already written.

This is a copy of a blog I posted on Myspace.
I'll put it in bold so you're more tempted to read it.

1)This was written in a book before it was typed up in here, but i'm not changing it.

2)My natural hair colour is boring brown.

3)I know no one else with the same name as me.

4)I hate hair extensions. HATE.

5)I love dirty jokes, pisstakes and good humour.

6)I'm not un-intelligent but my blonde moments last hours.

7)Amy Winehouse's album Frank is the best thing i've heard in a while. Shame that.

8)Tracey Emin is God.

9)I'm bored of this already.

10)I love sex when it's not forced, when i'm not under pressure and when i'm almost fully clothed.

11)When i'm truly 100% happy, i sleep.

12)Usually the only things i give a shit about are myself, my hair, my face and everything that is mine (friends and family fall in there somewhere).

13)I don't wear my music taste, if I did i'd look like, well, a twat.

14)I love Oasis and Dido.

15)I love Glasgow, Manchester and Devon.

16)Birmingham's ok.

17)When youmeet me for the first time i'm weird, insane, complicated and difficult to understand. To those who know me i'm still a freak but you'll be able to read the emotions i wear on my face and my tone of voice.

18)I just had to check which number i'm on.

19)I forgot what I was going to write.

20)I clean my ears every day (no that's not what I was going to write).

21)I whine a LOT.

22)Nothing normal ever happens to me. That's not so bad though.

23)I've been in love but to tell the truth I can't reallly 100% remember what it feels like. I don't really want to though, i'd torture myself with it. I know i'll feel it again though.

24)I have my mature moments.

25)One person has changed my life more than anyone, and i'm reallly thankful for that.

26)I've only ever hated one person. No one can truly comprehend my hate for him. It's not a pathetic ex-boyfriend. Or someone who's slagged me off. He's tried to ruin me in one of the most digraceful ways you can. Just thinking about him makes me furious. I'd love to spit in his fucking eyes and show him how much he's failed. But instead i'll just get on with my life and know that he's somewhere, rotting in the hole he made himself.

27)I've never spoken that way about anyone in my entire life.

28)The only people who I question on manners are my little brother and sister, to teach them to say please and thankyou. Feel free to be as vulgar as you like around me, very little will shock me.

29)I'm probably more vulgar than you could ever be.

30)I'm a strong believer in being cruel to be kind.

31)I won't hesitate to put you in your place, do not test me.

32)My own father knows me less than you probably do, I like it that way.

33)Do not approach me when i'm on me period if you like your head on your shoulders.

34)I wish I tried harder at school but it's just an effort.

35)I like Burlesque. It's interesting.

36)Anything that disgusts you, i'll probably love.

37)I use the word "love" a lot because i love lots of things. Simple.

38)Fran and my little brothers' laughter are more contagious than chickenpox.

39)I hate it when pale carpet fibres stick to my black tights. Like now.

40)My brother from another mother (literally) is gay, I love it. What a babe.

41)I've always wanted to say "the shit has hit the fan" but the perfect moment never pops up.

42)i'm so immature i've just laughed at the phrase "pops up".

43)I won't tell you what you want to hear unless its the clean, uncut truth.

44)I really miss fags but something stops me from going back. (crossed out)

45)I'm single and at the moment, I really don't mind. But in a few weeks i'll start to get lonely and fucking hate it. Don't get me wrong I like my own company but yknow...

46) I think public signs of affection are fucking vile, unless it's me, in which case I fucking love them.

47)No one ever trusts me with their male friends or boys that they are interested in. People can't seem to get it into their heads that, unlike all the other slags out there, i treat people with trust and i treat people how i expect to be treated. I would happily leave any boy that i liked unattended in a room alone with any one of my female friends and trust them not to make a move, because that is who I am. And i wouldn't worry about it either. Paranoia and jealousy are not attractive features in anyone and i can gladly say i have never felt either of those emotions. But I still hate the fact that nobody trusts me when it comes to boys because I have done nothing to make people mistrust me. I have never cheated on anyone, done anything with anyone else's boyfriend, nothing; and i believe trust is the basis of any kind of relationship whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship. All in all, I don't see why people don't trust me and I hate the fact that most girls don't. i'm not a slag like the rest of you, sorry.

48)I don't know what i'm doing with myself anymore. I don't know what i'm going to do next. One minute I don't give a shit about anybody, the next i don't give a shit about nmyself and everyone else matters. I don't know why. I'm as unpredictable as they come, yet other people can predict me, it just seems I can't fingure out myself most of the time,i know myself better than anyone else could ever attempt. I guess this is the curse of being a typical Gemini.49)I do take a lot of things for granted. Like tiny things from hardly ever getting spots and being able to do practically whatever i want, to massive things like people who I love but never ever tell them. From now on i'm just going to speak my mind, i've almost always done so but held back a little incase i embarass myself or upset anyone. Fuck that. All i ahve to lose is my sanity and, well, thats as good as gone anyway;) I'm so lucky to have the friends that i have, the life that i have and the family i have and amazing people like my gorgeous fucking amazing cousin, Beth who i can and do tell anything and everything. it's people like you who make me feel like i'm actually worthy of anyone's attention because you always listen you'll always be there and you threaten to come down to Birmz and beat up anyone who hurts me;) It's poeple like you who have taught me how to live and although i never act like it, man i'm so glad that we are family because we stratch way past just friends, we have a permanent bond that can never be broken, no matter how many miles apart we are we're always going to be family. You've made me appreciate that more than you know chick, ilyyyyy:)

49) It actually kills me to see anyone i'm friends with cry. Even if it's a tiny bit or we haven't been friends that long. It really irritates me when people crowd around with no consideration and badger them as to why they're crying. Have a little common sense and just leave them to it. At the same time, I just want to leap over to them and hug them and be all like "Everything's going to be fine", even if i don't have a clue what they're upset about. I'll never ask, it's not my place.

50)It actually baffles me as to why people would want to hurt me, wither physically or emotionally. But people do. I am not a horrible person, although I don't sugar coat things, it doesn't make me horrible. It means I am in tune with reality. I don't usually wish anything bad for anyone apart from people who have hurt me first. And even then, when people have hurt me, I do nothing but try to be normal and rebuild everything. So why still do it? This will probably make no sense to you.

51) I love it when people who are like unnaturally skinny or unnaturally huge claim they're real because they've been critiscised for the way they look. Gives me that buzz, that urge to sort someone out. Everyone's fucking real you dipshits, you're not more "real" if you starve yourself or eat your enitre kitchen when you're on a downer. Where's the logic in that? By changing yourself your making yourself unnatural, fake. Also, people who sob on about their sad lives, i've been through a fair amount of shit, i'm sure we all have, but I have never used it as a source for attention, because to be honest I don't need people to feel sorry for me for them to like me. People who crave attention only do that because they have no personality or charisma to gain that attention without spilling out some sob story. Some people really need to grow up.

52) I'm as bitter as an old woman sucking a lemon.

53) Anyone who has been in love and claims not to miss it when it's gone is a bloody liar. No matter how "strong" or "stiff-upper lip" they are; regardless of whether you miss the actual person it was with or not.

54) "Stiff-upper lip"-ness does my nut in. Why let pride stop you from expressing yourself? So what if you get hurt? You only live once.