Popped a couple

of viagra.
Says on the internet it shouldn't do anything but i'm feeling a bit weird.
All queasy and emotional at the same time.
Listened to two kate Nash songs and i'm in tears, pahahahahaha i'm so stupid.
Kate, you cunt.
You clever, pretty cunt.
Thirty five people couldn't count
On two hands the amount of times you've made me stop
Stop and think why you bein' such a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead.
Why you bein' a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations.

But on the other hand...

All I know is that you're so nice.
You're the nicest thing i've seen.
I wish that
We could give it a go,
See if we could be something.



Sometimes, you don't think about what you say or do and you come across really snidey and mean.
Sometimes, I really hate being around you because it's just a headfuck that isn't worth it.
But sometimes, I find myself missing you.
"Sometimes" isn't enough, though.

I don't miss YOU.
I miss the IDEA of you.
The memory I have of you when things were going my way, but things have changed, now.
We've both changed.
It's obvious you have no idea what you want, which is fair enough really.
I'm focusing on what I want, for a change, because no one else is gonna do it for me.

Even I have no idea whether something will happen between us again or not.
There was closure the first time, and that was cool, I started seeing someone else which was alright.
Then you made the drunken mistake of thinking you wanted me back and threw me in limbo, having to guess whether you meant it or not because you wouldn't just talk to me about it.
That wasn't fair.

Fuck knows anymore man.

I'm not gonna rot about waiting for something that isn't going to happen.
I'm on the pull at Leeds, and every other event afterwards.
I hope for my sake I find someone else, because it's clear that you have no idea what you want.

Going home

bright and early tomorrow.
On the train from Glasgow to Birmingham, alone.
Should be alright though, i'm not fussed.
I just want a cigarette and all my mates, to be honest.

LEEDS IN A FEW DAYS OH MY GOD.

I have so much shit to sort out in the meantime, though, how irritating.

Not meaning to sound like a repetetive little Indie twat, but swear down, inbetween all the pointlessness, Mumford & Sons seriously speak my mind sometimes.
Listen to their album and guaranteed you'll manage to find at least one song that you can relate to/identify with completely.

Decided that,

at Leeds i'm going to tattoo myself.
All I need is some Indian ink, a lighter, a needle and some thread.
I intend to get tipsy, then do it.
Or maybe do it whilst sober then get wrecked after.
I'm going to do a peace sign on my left wrist, and then, if it goes well, I will do more.

But there will come a time, you'll see;

With no more tears,
And love will not break your heart,
But dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see,
What you find there.
With grace in your heart,
And flowers in your hair.

Mmmmmmmmahahahaahhaahahahahaha!

Everything would be so perfect if I wasn't so bone idle.
I'm listening to Frank by Amy Winehouse (one of my favourite albums) but the CD is scratched and the last song has been skipping on a loop for at least fifteen minutes.
Fuck it.
I'm so happy.
The weather's rubbish and i'm tired because I was up all night doing art but I just don't care!
So so so happy!

CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT LEEDS.
ONLY 10 DAYS!

Another

week until I have to go home, and I am SO happy here!
Stole some pretty cool shit from the gift shops of a few Art galleries around Perth.
It's going to be so much easier to do some art now.

I'm really happy, the only problem I have right now is that i'm absolutely HANK MARVIN.
But my food's nearly ready so, just keep smiling.
I've lost weight up here and my skin is all smooth and officially eczema free so I can doss about and pull at Leeds without worrying whether my makeup is flaking off my face or any other digusting things like that.

Eczema is such a fucking bastard i'm so HAPPY mine's gone.
I used to have it on my chin, my neck, my back and all over my arms and the back of my legs at one point and now it's completely gone!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm so excited for Leedsfest, not long to go now!

£38

for a train ticket to/from Glasgow to Birmingham.
If I ever run away i'm coming straight here, I lovelovelove it here.

I realised last night when I really wanted to sleep that I have SO much to look forward to!

I have another week in Scotland, then I have a nice little solo train journey back which should be fun, then a few days after I get back I have Leedsfest, then I start my last year of sixthform, then it's my best friend's 18th which should be fucking LEGENDARY to say the least, then it's christmas and ting, then I go to Dublin with Thom and Ellis and other people in February.
And i'll definitely have a fair few random parties thrown in there.

Plus, my skin is so good, all the stress-spots I had last week have gone, and my eczema has practically disappeared and my skin is gorgeous and smooth and soft.

So happy and stress-free right now!
Couldn't be happier!

Hahahahahahaha.

I'm in Scotland and I can honestly say i've never been so happy to get out of Birmingham.
Today is also the start of my 10 day detox from cigarettes and booze.
It's going well so far, I'm not feeling the effects, i'm having fun with my little brother and sister and I'm distracted from all the shit that's been holding me down the past few weeks.

I climbed a mountain today.
A small mountain, but a mountain nontheless.

Watching

Ewan McGregor cry is possibly the single most heartbreaking thing on the planet!

Fucking

owwwwwwwww owww fuckedy owwwww!
Stupid fucking wisdom teeth!
They're actually vile, they hurt!
Plus the top right one's just poking through and it's reeeeaaaaaally far back, so when i speak it just feels like I have some food stuck back there or some disgusting shit like that.
It's grim, I hate it!


Had a good day today though, woke up to texts off Chloe, we had a sleepy text conversation about how we were both still in bed and couldn't be bothered to move.
I think I eventually surfaced about an hour later at quarter to 2.

I then dossed about the house for hours, my parents went to go see Cats and Dogs 2 in 3D.
Apparently it was shite, gutted.
Then Conor, Jen, Chloe and Andy came round and we spent a few hours in my garden, chatting shit, gossiping about somne fight that was supposed to have happened today, and going over Conor's stolen produce from his holiday.
I drank the mint tea he stole from the hotel along with stolen hotel sugar.
I now am also the proud owner of a shower cap, a comb and a little sewing kit.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't love them a little bit.

We went out for a cruise in his car and as per my mother was all pissy about it.
Fuck it I don't care anymore, i'm going to Scotland in a few days.

We dropped Chlo and Jen home and me, Conor and Andy were cotched outside a chinese takeaway place for a full hour before we decided to go in and get food.
The food made us all dead sleepy so Conor dropped me back home for 12 and i've been really callllmmmmm and relaaaaaaaaaxed on the sofa ever since.

Nothing's phased me at all today, absolutely nothing.
It's been lovely to be honest, I had missed Conor.

Still can't waaaaaaaaaaait to leave everything and go to Scotland, get my head down, get some proper work done and just relax and have fun with my brother and sister who I miss unbearably.

Sounds weird but

the sound of rain properrrrly chills me out.
Which is strange because I really don't like rain.
But it sounds so nice, so callllllmmmmmmm now.
Gonna go make a cuppa and chill in the living room, don't care if mom's in there i'll just deaf her out and read a book; she can be a bitch on her own.

Really

had enough of all this immaturity just circulating about.
Don't get me wrong, I have the mind/attention span of a child but some people are just taking the piss now.
If you've got a problem, talk, have it out, fight if needs be, then man up and move on.
Don't flounce about all bitter and pouting, begging attention or milking the argument, it's irritating and childish.
Ironic really seeing as my mother is doing that right now.
Oh and what is with all this "fricking" business?
Just say "fuck" and get over yourself, we all know that's what you meant.

Need to find someone new now.
Someone cute who makes me laugh and is a bit vulnerable.
Mmmmmm.

Miserable

and sleepy.
Please just leave me alone.
I don't want to like you anymore.





However, recieved some very happy news today that i'm dead chuffed about.
Can't write anymore about it because i've been sworn to secrecy but it's pretty much made my life.

Not slept again.

Practically paraplegic on the sofa watching these lovelies;



♥

I miss

the sun.
And being partically ginger, that was fun too.

We've got obsessions.

I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week.

I'm cool

with being single, i'll just live my relationship dreams through watching my friends flourish in theirs until Mr or Miss Right comes along.

Smilesmilesmile.

Brave face is firmly slapped on.
Slight moment of weakness last night on the whole happiness front, but back on it now.
Smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile!

Hello.

I'm Kitty and I fucking hate everyone.
No, no, I love everyone.

No, yes, no, no, yes, no, yes, yes, yes.

I don't know.

I just need a cuddle, one of your cuddles.
And hearing your laugh would be great, too.
That's all I want.
I miss you so much.
(This applies to at least six completely different people, near and far, young and old, family and friends.)

I'm so happy it makes me sad sometimes.
Only for a little while, like now.
I don't really know why.
Probably because I like to think about the past, past times where i've felt this happy.
The memories make me smile, the only thing that saddens me is the different circumstances from then to now.
For example, some of my memories feature people who are no longer alive/friends with me.
Some feature ex lovers/boyfriends.
Some feature just really really fun and happy times that I know I will never be able to replicate.
Some feature really beautiful things/people that I wish i'd have gotten some photo-evidence of.

Oh well.
In 5 minutes I know i'll be fine and smiley again.
In 10 minutes I'll be turning the lights off and packing this laptop away.
In 15 minutes I'll be undressed in bed, taking my makeup off and applying moisturiser.
In 20 minutes I'll be comfortable in bed, reading.
I'll probably drop off to sleep in about 40 minutes.

Au revoir.

While

I'm getting used to/starting to love my new hair, I can't stop feeling a little bit sad about all the people I miss.
I know so many people who I haven't seen in so fucking long and it makes me proper upset.
It's time's like these I wish I had a car/driver's licence/unlimited £££ just so I could see everyone again.




On a slightl less depressing note, i'm watching a French film with English subtitles and i'm dead chuffed i've barely had to read the subtitles at all to understand le film.

"Evasion est facile. Le plus dur est séjournent gratuitement."