Popped a couple

of viagra.
Says on the internet it shouldn't do anything but i'm feeling a bit weird.
All queasy and emotional at the same time.
Listened to two kate Nash songs and i'm in tears, pahahahahaha i'm so stupid.
Kate, you cunt.
You clever, pretty cunt.
Thirty five people couldn't count
On two hands the amount of times you've made me stop
Stop and think why you bein' such a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead.
Why you bein' a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations.

But on the other hand...

All I know is that you're so nice.
You're the nicest thing i've seen.
I wish that
We could give it a go,
See if we could be something.



Sometimes, you don't think about what you say or do and you come across really snidey and mean.
Sometimes, I really hate being around you because it's just a headfuck that isn't worth it.
But sometimes, I find myself missing you.
"Sometimes" isn't enough, though.

I don't miss YOU.
I miss the IDEA of you.
The memory I have of you when things were going my way, but things have changed, now.
We've both changed.
It's obvious you have no idea what you want, which is fair enough really.
I'm focusing on what I want, for a change, because no one else is gonna do it for me.

Even I have no idea whether something will happen between us again or not.
There was closure the first time, and that was cool, I started seeing someone else which was alright.
Then you made the drunken mistake of thinking you wanted me back and threw me in limbo, having to guess whether you meant it or not because you wouldn't just talk to me about it.
That wasn't fair.

Fuck knows anymore man.

I'm not gonna rot about waiting for something that isn't going to happen.
I'm on the pull at Leeds, and every other event afterwards.
I hope for my sake I find someone else, because it's clear that you have no idea what you want.