Popped a couple

of viagra.
Says on the internet it shouldn't do anything but i'm feeling a bit weird.
All queasy and emotional at the same time.
Listened to two kate Nash songs and i'm in tears, pahahahahaha i'm so stupid.
Kate, you cunt.
You clever, pretty cunt.
Thirty five people couldn't count
On two hands the amount of times you've made me stop
Stop and think why you bein' such a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead.
Why you bein' a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations.

But on the other hand...

All I know is that you're so nice.
You're the nicest thing i've seen.
I wish that
We could give it a go,
See if we could be something.



Sometimes, you don't think about what you say or do and you come across really snidey and mean.
Sometimes, I really hate being around you because it's just a headfuck that isn't worth it.
But sometimes, I find myself missing you.
"Sometimes" isn't enough, though.

I don't miss YOU.
I miss the IDEA of you.
The memory I have of you when things were going my way, but things have changed, now.
We've both changed.
It's obvious you have no idea what you want, which is fair enough really.
I'm focusing on what I want, for a change, because no one else is gonna do it for me.

Even I have no idea whether something will happen between us again or not.
There was closure the first time, and that was cool, I started seeing someone else which was alright.
Then you made the drunken mistake of thinking you wanted me back and threw me in limbo, having to guess whether you meant it or not because you wouldn't just talk to me about it.
That wasn't fair.

Fuck knows anymore man.

I'm not gonna rot about waiting for something that isn't going to happen.
I'm on the pull at Leeds, and every other event afterwards.
I hope for my sake I find someone else, because it's clear that you have no idea what you want.

Going home

bright and early tomorrow.
On the train from Glasgow to Birmingham, alone.
Should be alright though, i'm not fussed.
I just want a cigarette and all my mates, to be honest.

LEEDS IN A FEW DAYS OH MY GOD.

I have so much shit to sort out in the meantime, though, how irritating.

Not meaning to sound like a repetetive little Indie twat, but swear down, inbetween all the pointlessness, Mumford & Sons seriously speak my mind sometimes.
Listen to their album and guaranteed you'll manage to find at least one song that you can relate to/identify with completely.

Decided that,

at Leeds i'm going to tattoo myself.
All I need is some Indian ink, a lighter, a needle and some thread.
I intend to get tipsy, then do it.
Or maybe do it whilst sober then get wrecked after.
I'm going to do a peace sign on my left wrist, and then, if it goes well, I will do more.

But there will come a time, you'll see;

With no more tears,
And love will not break your heart,
But dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see,
What you find there.
With grace in your heart,
And flowers in your hair.

Mmmmmmmmahahahaahhaahahahahaha!

Everything would be so perfect if I wasn't so bone idle.
I'm listening to Frank by Amy Winehouse (one of my favourite albums) but the CD is scratched and the last song has been skipping on a loop for at least fifteen minutes.
Fuck it.
I'm so happy.
The weather's rubbish and i'm tired because I was up all night doing art but I just don't care!
So so so happy!

CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT LEEDS.
ONLY 10 DAYS!

Another

week until I have to go home, and I am SO happy here!
Stole some pretty cool shit from the gift shops of a few Art galleries around Perth.
It's going to be so much easier to do some art now.

I'm really happy, the only problem I have right now is that i'm absolutely HANK MARVIN.
But my food's nearly ready so, just keep smiling.
I've lost weight up here and my skin is all smooth and officially eczema free so I can doss about and pull at Leeds without worrying whether my makeup is flaking off my face or any other digusting things like that.

Eczema is such a fucking bastard i'm so HAPPY mine's gone.
I used to have it on my chin, my neck, my back and all over my arms and the back of my legs at one point and now it's completely gone!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm so excited for Leedsfest, not long to go now!

£38

for a train ticket to/from Glasgow to Birmingham.
If I ever run away i'm coming straight here, I lovelovelove it here.

I realised last night when I really wanted to sleep that I have SO much to look forward to!

I have another week in Scotland, then I have a nice little solo train journey back which should be fun, then a few days after I get back I have Leedsfest, then I start my last year of sixthform, then it's my best friend's 18th which should be fucking LEGENDARY to say the least, then it's christmas and ting, then I go to Dublin with Thom and Ellis and other people in February.
And i'll definitely have a fair few random parties thrown in there.

Plus, my skin is so good, all the stress-spots I had last week have gone, and my eczema has practically disappeared and my skin is gorgeous and smooth and soft.

So happy and stress-free right now!
Couldn't be happier!