I'm feeling

so fragile.

Prepare for a really long post, I've been dwelling on thoughts again.

I haven't moved from my bed all day.
I'm too scared to get out now because Phil will just be a dickhead.
As per.
He never understands when i'm ill, I swear he does not have one single ounce of sympathy in his body.
However, when his son's ill, oh no the entire world is coming to a fucking end.

I haven't got the energy to argue/defend myself today but I feel the need to rant.

1) I hate how fake you are. You bullshit to impress people and it drives me insane. I need consistancy in my life and it's hilarious how incosistant you are, even with discipline.

2) Speaking of discipline, it pisses me right off how fucking childish you are when something I do annoys you. Honestly, it's like i'm dealing with an actual ten year-old.
You like to degrade both me and my mother in arguments to make yourself feel better, but let me assure you, calling me a "piece of shit" or telling me to "go fuck myself" or threatening to kick me out of the fucking house will do nothing but make me stronger and more resentful towards you. Plus it gives me more fuel to use against you the next time you fucking start, so if you want to lose another argument, you just fucking continue.

3) Oh, and I hate how whenever you start on me and my mother gets involved you sarcastically call me "the golden child".
If she dared speak to Craig the way you speak to me there would be fucking uproar, yet you act like it's preposterous for a mother to defend her own child. What planet are you on?!

4) I hate the way you speak to my mother. End of. If I ever hear you fucking call her names again I will get involved regardless of how long it takes to get you to close your vile fucking mouth.

5) I hate how you're actually really really nice, you just snap. It's taken me so long to realise how to actually snap you out of your foul moods I might as well not bother anymore.

6) I hate it when you bark your fucking orders at me, and if I piss you off I hate how you square up to me and treat me like you've just caught me keying your car or stealing your wallet or something.
I'm your step-daughter, not some fucking crackhead off the streets. Stop treating me like one.

7) I hate how neither you or mom trust me, and how you both gang up on me and you always take it one step too far.

8) I hate how you never apologise.

9) I hate how blatent your favouritism is. I understand that he's your son and I couldn't have asked for a better brother. But your treatment towards me is un-acceptable. Watch mom with Craig and maybe you might fucking learn something.




Right, now I've got all that off my chest I can write about something else.
I'm not going to say your name but I think you'll know deep down that i'm speaking to you.
I would never have the time/breath to say this to your face.
But I've read your blog, I've seen how you're much deeper/more articulate than I first thought.
I see right through your act of bravery and I know you're in pain.
Because I've been there.
In your exact position.
I know what it's like to feel like you've been tossed to the side in favour of something/someone else.
I know what it's like to maybe feel a little bit used even if you can't/won't admit it.
I know what it's like to feel lonely.
I know what it's like to still be in love with someone and watch them flit towards someone else.
I know the paranoia of wondering if they prefer them to you, or are speaking about you.
I know the heart-breaking feeling when you first see them together, and every time after.
I know what it's like to hear the words "Can we still be friends?" knowing with all your heart you can't/won't say no.
And I know the last thing you want to do is talk about it.

I cant stand the thought of that happening to anyone, let alone someone I'm close to.
It literally kills me.
And i'm really resentful of the person who did this to you.
Really fucking resentful.
But, there's nothing I can do about it but offer support.
And I am here for you.
Yes, I think that was the purpose of this post.
Words won't be enough, I know, but I really truly am, sweetie.

Don't let the bastards grind you down.