Going crazy

again.
I feel the need to get all this out, that way I can just man up and forget about it all.
I think the reason why I keep getting spontaneous bursts of anger is because I can't really tell anyone about it because i'm scared to piss people off with my problems.
There's been so much tension with everyone recently over various different things that I just want to talk about happy stuff and ignore any bad stuff so that everyone will be happy and less confrontational.
But it's been driving me mad, i've always been very vocal about my problems and keeping it in has only made it worse.
So here goes.
And before I begin, this isn't to have a dig at anyone, I'm not blaming anyone and I'm not trying to start drama.
I just need to clear my head.

The reason why i think i'm so angry is because I'm angry at myself.
I keep blaming other people in my head but really I'm just fuming at myself.
How stupid I was, how naíve I was to just let myself go with someone again.
When you like someone, you're willing to believe anything, and I genuinely believed that I would never bore you and that we'd progress and grow in our relationship or whatever the fuck it was.
I just felt comfortable with you, I suppose.
And now it's done with and I don't know what to feel apart from anger towards myself for letting myself waste so much time on another person that didn't want the same things as me.
I'm furious that I didn't see the signs.
I'm infuriated by my behaviour towards you, I should have known it would freak you out, it'd scare anyone!
I just feel like the world's biggest tit and i'm angry at myself for letting myself like someone and then scaring them away; thus wasting another three weeks of my life on a boy.

In total I have wasted approximately 13 months of my life on boys, and I am only just 17.
An entire fucking year, and then some!
What a joke.
Well fuck boys.
WHERE DA LAYDEEEEEEEEEEEZ AT?!

This hasn't been written for your amusement, that has never been what this blog has been about.
This whole thing is for me, and me alone.
If you take enjoyment from reading my blog then that's nice, but the whole idea of this was to help me to clear my head in a more contructive way than starting fights or hitting things.

I do know one thing.
I am on the fucking PULLLLLLLL tonight!
I have whiskey, smokes and nice clothes, all I need now is someone sexy.
And I shall find someone tonight, trust me!